we smiled so bright the sun went down

Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at9:28 PM



Have embarked on a new project which unfortunately costs much higher than my previous ones, but I like the result so am just going to go ahead and do it. Incredibly bored of non-creative outlets and fabric markers, they can only satisfy the customization need for so long )-:

*

Haven't exactly gotten the head around the whole a-new-year idea yet. It's funny how an entire year has passed, now it's like looking through this blurry looking-glass where I've thrown yesteryear items high into the sky and they've landed on the other side of the glass and where I am right now is supposedly all safe and protected. Of course, I know I'm not and eventually they'll come flying back to my side (where they rightly belong). But am more prepared than previously, yes, when years go by I do grow, for I cannot afford not to. This year, things that (currently) define me have to be broken, it's so boring constantly hearing the same descriptions, like this tape which never runs out. Emotional challenges; massive insecurities, dissonance, stifling negative feelings have to be abated, it's been far too long, far too much time and energy wastefully invested on speculations, affect, hypersensitivity

This year, I will get rid of what I do not want to have in my future, retain those which I do and give them my fullest commitment, for there is much I do not and will not get but those which I can, they then have their rightful places in my life. For time's running out and if all goes to plan, it's not long now. Have placed self-reminders all around to stick to my journey (which would probably be painful, and lovely all the same) of self-awareness and hope, and finding oneself in the midst of all these distractions


(Current play-song[need to be able to write like this]:)

Larger than lifesize, wondersome
Great in the eyes of someone
Larger than lifesize, we become
Great in the eyes of someone

resolute.

Sunday, January 3, 2010 at11:33 PM

Repetition is good for the soul

STOPBEINGSOSELFABSORBED/non-dinners/personal due work somewhat done/2010, where the thousands are halved into tens/fresh determination/optimism/mp3 cable missing )-:/discipline/discipline/discipline/breaking down quota filled for the year/fooshoomoooooooo/dark-blue + metallic baby pink nail polish ^^/dark-blue jacket/obvious new favourite colour/worthy, quality time with worthy, quality people who make me genuinely happy/making worthy people happy/letting go letting go letting go forever this time/really need God's strength this year/Acceptance/getting ready/learning/not absorbing-regurgitating, but learning/directional guides/finish reading Wuthering Heights by end of the week/stop going through good books so quickly/find out why Harley Quinn fell in love with the Joker/checks on emotionality/checks on thoughts/incorporation/live more, laugh more, love more/drawing out annoyances/find person with similar, if not same idiosyncrasies/book hunt/food hunt/plan out travelling route after graduation + budget/appreciate beauty (kinda want to go botanic gardens again to see the swans, and zoo, too)/throw out most black clothing and replace with classics/ikea - paint and revamp room/baking/you (at the moment).

Saturday, January 2, 2010 at12:32 AM

Shall keep thoughts to myself
Shall keep thoughts to myself
Shall keep thoughts to myself
Shall keep thoughts to myself
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Shall keep thoughts to myself
Shall keep thoughts to myself
Shall keep thoughts to myself

for they do absolutely no good at all outside of the head

Happy 2010

Friday, January 1, 2010 at1:16 AM



Specific self-reminders for 2010.

Of new man's strength, I seek the sun.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at6:14 PM



Well, here I am
After 4 attempts at getting out of bed to actually do productive work today. Got freaked in the morning, cause the body malfunctioned; sudden onset of flu + worsened sore throat from yesterday.

Choir concert at the performance yesterday was bordering boredom, I felt. It's one thing to go there and perform with choirs from other schools + the police band, and another thing to sit/stand/walk for hours pretending we actually care about what's going on around us. But I guess the highlight was that the very cool flower-giving Shoe came down (since we were in her territory) and we went for dinner/supper after the performance. Food is always a motivating factor. :D
Oh and the late night readings are suspended, for now. Exhaustion of social energy is overlapping into normal functioning energy, so crashing before 1am no longer seems weird. Ugh. Hate this thing. I want a long break from people before school starts again ): Either that, or increase my sociality level.

*

Yesterday, I thought about you, and your funny quirks and went, hahaha


*

Revelation
of thought, leading to an end
but is it the end?
Or simply my genesis.
death, only
welcomes Life
and
to embrace its power of choice
a change indifferent to none
but,
but
what ignorance I have as
I struggle to understand, about
revelation of Life,
which only
occurs at death.


I am the patron saint of lost causes/things are gonna change now for the better

Friday, December 25, 2009 at11:06 PM


MERRY CHRISTMAS
I LOVE YOU GOD.

*

Am going to leave for camp in the wee hours of tomorrow morning and then back again the following night.
Note to self: START PACKING SOON PLEASE.

Roight, anyway. Got more Christmas presents today, was pleased with both, you two know me well. :D
Also haven't been writing in this space so I feel a little unsettled by the short spaces in the previous posts; my long-winded self simply cannot bear the shame and oh how horrid it is to see meaningless words of simple updates and not what's truly on the mind - okay, starting to hate one's melodramatic self now.
Let's start from Monday. Christmas house party where a few people came over: binged on food, played pictionary, taboo, twister, movies, normal stuff. Woke up groggily on tuesday morning, waited till the rest went back and crashed on the couch after watching the last movie. Woke up to like, 9 texts and missed calls from various people (Little known fact: I do not return most people's calls) and apparently there was another party, which I decided to go to after about an hour's hesitation. Next night was the cell party, met up with P in the morning and went over to C's house to prepare for it. As usual, time with the cell was invigorating, though I always manage to be mean to certain people who actually mean (haha) a lot to me. Really need to curb this non-kind streak

Okay so I still don't see the point of parties, but hey. Maybe someday I'll choose it over curling up in a corner reading a book.
..... or not.

Wine session yesterday, drank a little and then went to sleep, social energy so fully zapped. Then woke up at 12 (!), received presents, ate brunch and spent the afternoon reading the entire shopaholic series (don't ask why, i felt like chick books today)


Thought the whole Christmas season this year was pretty uneventful.
But it's okay. I like uneventful.
Besides, knowing what this day truly means is totally enough for me. (:

-

It never ceases to amaze me how the brother and I still compete for the silliest things, even at this age.
He's 21, by the way. And I think we'll be doing this 30 years down the road. How cool are we, yo.

*

I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you
But the orchestra plays on, and they sang

parteee.

Thursday, December 24, 2009 at3:32 PM

..... whew.

3 parties in 3 days.
Still have a last one to go to tonight, but I think I'll stay in.

Monday to tuesday, house party. Slept after they left and went to D's for another party.
Yesterday, the cell's party. Social energy completely zapped.

Oh, going to be on hiatus from work too, for at least these 2 days. Then it's back to normal.